The Difficulty of Hospitality
Following Jesus is difficult.
This past Lent our church went through the Sermon on the Mount, the largest collection of Jesus' teachings in the Bible. Throughout Matthew 5-7, whether implicitly or explictly, Jesus talks about being generous and loving towards ones' neighbors. It was a really impactful series for me, not only because of our collective spirit as a church, which allowed each of us to learn from each other (rather than the traditional format of church where the pastor preaches every Sunday)... but because of how infrequently I feel the American church has seriously contemplated what Jesus' teachings mean for us in our world today.
I have to admit that going through the Sermon on the Mount was inspiring yet challenging... I would recommend trying it sometime. What Jesus teaches is really unsettling; anger, an unforgiving heart, lust, unreconciled relationships, greed (the list sounds bad, but aren't many of them celebrated in our society today?) among others are just incompatible with the type of life that Jesus described his disciples were to live.
The part about generosity actually reminded me of a conversation that I had with a pastor mentor of mine a while back, who spoke about how in this economy, it was inconceivable for him to think of how one could be Christian and have empty bedrooms in their house. That was something I had never thought of before, but since then I had thought about being open to having guests stay at our place, as we had two empty bedrooms (except when we had out of town guests).
In the last couple months, we ended up having a couple opportunities to have people stay with us for prolonged periods of time. They weren't close friends, but people that I found out about that were in need of a place to stay for a week or longer. (We have friends stay over all the time, and that's no problem at all. I'd sure be a whiner if I were to be complaining about having friends come and stay with us! haha) After these two experiences, I think I know why people tend not to open their houses up like that.
It's hard.
It's hard mostly because it changes the dynamic of home. When there's nobody else staying with us, home feels like home. I can lie down on the couch and pretend like I'm Al Bundy (if I wanted to)... and I can't even begin describing what Nicole does when its just us at the house! Essentially, there's a comfort level in it being your house, and you get to dictate the codes of conduct.
But that's not necessarily the case when you have someone staying with you. You worry about whether they need dinner, or whether they'll be sprawled out on your couch watching television when you get home. It's funny in a way; you tell them to feel comfortable, act like its their home, but their very act of feeling comfortable like its their home leads to your own uncomfortableness, and makes your home less like your home.
I think the lack of familiarity is what makes having people stay over so uncomfortable. My old pastor defined this comfort level as "refridgerator rights," as in certain people having the privilege or right to be able to just open your fridge without asking.... but having someone stay is more than that... they have your house key!
That made me think... in some ways I feel like our house can be symbolic of how we think of our churches, can't they? We like it when the people we go to church with are our close friends, with whom we can be truly comfortable. We all know the "rules" of conduct, what to do, what to say, and more importantly, what not to do or say....
But let me ask a question.
Is feeling comfortable a positive attribute for church?
I'm leaning towards saying no. As I've just described with my experience opening our home, Jesus' teachings should lead to a certain uncomfortableness with one's way of living... and church coincidingly needs to be a place where no one feels comfortable.... yet everyone should feel safe. I think the problem arises when we as church regulars feel/ act like its our home, when in actuality they're all God's home with all of us visitors.
With that in mind, there's no reason why we as the Christian establishment are allowed make rules as to who's accepted and who's not. When we do that, we misunderstand our position as guests in God's house, thinking we're the owners of the house rather than the guests.
So who does this apply to? I think for me, if you know me, you know that I have a problem whenever ANY people are excluded from the opportunity to meet with God in His house, the church. This would include people of other ethnicities/ socioeconomic statuses, people who think differently than the norm, the LGBT population, or any other excluded group.
But its hard.... its a lot easier being comfortable... but when its easy, is God there? And just because its hard, doesn't mean that we can just give up in much the same way that a couple awkward experiences doesn't mean Nicole and I going to stop having people stay at our house. May that awkwardness and difficulty serve to remind us of how we're in God's story, not God fitting into ours.
This past Lent our church went through the Sermon on the Mount, the largest collection of Jesus' teachings in the Bible. Throughout Matthew 5-7, whether implicitly or explictly, Jesus talks about being generous and loving towards ones' neighbors. It was a really impactful series for me, not only because of our collective spirit as a church, which allowed each of us to learn from each other (rather than the traditional format of church where the pastor preaches every Sunday)... but because of how infrequently I feel the American church has seriously contemplated what Jesus' teachings mean for us in our world today.
I have to admit that going through the Sermon on the Mount was inspiring yet challenging... I would recommend trying it sometime. What Jesus teaches is really unsettling; anger, an unforgiving heart, lust, unreconciled relationships, greed (the list sounds bad, but aren't many of them celebrated in our society today?) among others are just incompatible with the type of life that Jesus described his disciples were to live.
The part about generosity actually reminded me of a conversation that I had with a pastor mentor of mine a while back, who spoke about how in this economy, it was inconceivable for him to think of how one could be Christian and have empty bedrooms in their house. That was something I had never thought of before, but since then I had thought about being open to having guests stay at our place, as we had two empty bedrooms (except when we had out of town guests).
In the last couple months, we ended up having a couple opportunities to have people stay with us for prolonged periods of time. They weren't close friends, but people that I found out about that were in need of a place to stay for a week or longer. (We have friends stay over all the time, and that's no problem at all. I'd sure be a whiner if I were to be complaining about having friends come and stay with us! haha) After these two experiences, I think I know why people tend not to open their houses up like that.
It's hard.
It's hard mostly because it changes the dynamic of home. When there's nobody else staying with us, home feels like home. I can lie down on the couch and pretend like I'm Al Bundy (if I wanted to)... and I can't even begin describing what Nicole does when its just us at the house! Essentially, there's a comfort level in it being your house, and you get to dictate the codes of conduct.
But that's not necessarily the case when you have someone staying with you. You worry about whether they need dinner, or whether they'll be sprawled out on your couch watching television when you get home. It's funny in a way; you tell them to feel comfortable, act like its their home, but their very act of feeling comfortable like its their home leads to your own uncomfortableness, and makes your home less like your home.
I think the lack of familiarity is what makes having people stay over so uncomfortable. My old pastor defined this comfort level as "refridgerator rights," as in certain people having the privilege or right to be able to just open your fridge without asking.... but having someone stay is more than that... they have your house key!
That made me think... in some ways I feel like our house can be symbolic of how we think of our churches, can't they? We like it when the people we go to church with are our close friends, with whom we can be truly comfortable. We all know the "rules" of conduct, what to do, what to say, and more importantly, what not to do or say....
But let me ask a question.
Is feeling comfortable a positive attribute for church?
I'm leaning towards saying no. As I've just described with my experience opening our home, Jesus' teachings should lead to a certain uncomfortableness with one's way of living... and church coincidingly needs to be a place where no one feels comfortable.... yet everyone should feel safe. I think the problem arises when we as church regulars feel/ act like its our home, when in actuality they're all God's home with all of us visitors.
With that in mind, there's no reason why we as the Christian establishment are allowed make rules as to who's accepted and who's not. When we do that, we misunderstand our position as guests in God's house, thinking we're the owners of the house rather than the guests.
So who does this apply to? I think for me, if you know me, you know that I have a problem whenever ANY people are excluded from the opportunity to meet with God in His house, the church. This would include people of other ethnicities/ socioeconomic statuses, people who think differently than the norm, the LGBT population, or any other excluded group.
But its hard.... its a lot easier being comfortable... but when its easy, is God there? And just because its hard, doesn't mean that we can just give up in much the same way that a couple awkward experiences doesn't mean Nicole and I going to stop having people stay at our house. May that awkwardness and difficulty serve to remind us of how we're in God's story, not God fitting into ours.
Nori,
ReplyDeleteExcellent blog in this post. I appreciate your truthfulness in describing how you feel when opening your home to others. We can all relate I'm sure. May we remember that it all belongs to Him. Our homes, our finances, our jobs and yes our churches. I agree that I do better on some days than others. The spirit is willing but all too often my flesh is weak and I want what's more comfortable for me. ☹ This is me feeling convicted.